Dear Santa Clause

I just had a moment. One where I picked up on something I should have gotten a very long time ago.

My sister and I, growing up, were firm believers in Santa – not abnormal for the culture in which I have been brought up. We made him cookies, we looked for reindeer tracks in the driveway on Christmas morning, and, naturally, wrote him the occasional letter/demanding wishlist. The only problem in all of this was that I was perpetually unclear on the spelling of Santa’s name.

I had seen “Santa Claus” in a lot of places, so it was always a strong contender. “Santa Klaus” had popped up as well, although somewhat less frequently. But what really messed me up was a slight variant of the first option – “Santa Clause.” I figured this was just a fancier way of addressing the jolly old man, maybe something invented by the posh people in England. So for the vast majority of my life, even after the figurative death of Mr. Kringle, I regarded “Santa Clause” as a perfectly valid spelling that everyone used. Tim Allen… you bastard.

Just thirty minutes ago, I was scrolling through Buzzfeed (as I do) and happened upon the poster for the 90’s Christmas classic. Let’s just revisit this for a second:


Huh… how odd that they would make the “e” crooked and a different color than the rest of the text. That is no way to treat such a lovely and versatile letter of the alphabet. Oh wait.

It is understandable that this cruel play on words eluded me for the first 10 or 11 years of my life – that’s fine. But I am 20, guys. Two decades. Please tell me I’m not the only one who is just now realizing that this is actually a very cleverly named movie.

Everything makes sense now, but this sudden burst of clarity is somewhat dampened by my well-earned embarrassment. Happy holidays, everyone.

PS: “Santa Clause” still looks right to me. I NEED HELP

PPS: I didn’t figure out why toothpicks are called toothpicks until I was 16 years old


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