When twilight drops her curtain down / and pins it with a star / remember that you have a friend / though she may wander far.

I am not a fan of endings. I let myself wallow in their bittersweetness, mostly focusing on the bitter parts, the sad parts. This weekend marked a pretty significant ending for me – I moved out of my apartment, saying goodbye to my three best friends. I understand “goodbye” is probably not the most appropriate word since I will definitely be seeing their angelic, luminous faces again, probably even in the near future, but it really felt like an end. I mean, I can still sit on the couch and watch episode after episode of Skins, but I can’t look over and see O eating popcorn from the “trough” (a really big bowl – we have a flair for nicknaming things). I can cook myself dinner, but I won’t see L attempting to cool off by standing in the fridge while holding a very important phone conversation with her mother. And I can build a fort, but E won’t be sitting inside eating her super weird combination of fruity and minty ice cream flavors (and I won’t have her giant fort-building blanket, so there’s that too).

The paragraph above represents my usual train of thought: something awesome was happening, and now it’s not happening, tears. Oddly enough, I have recently come to the conclusion that this attitude is not helpful and makes me very susceptible to the drab weightiness of melancholia, so I am in the process of changing it. Instead of resenting time for passing too quickly, I am giving gratitude a shot. I got nine splendid months with these girls. My life rocks.

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I’ve always been a huge proponent for being friends with people who inspire you to be a better person, and somehow I have always been lucky enough to find the people who are that for me. I don’t know what I did to deserve the kind of friend who will come into my room and bury me in a hug when I’ve been acting immature, or the kind of friend who will invest herself entirely in my petty problems when she has her own to deal with – but these are the girls I have been living with. We went through breakups and deaths and disappointments and sicknesses, and no one ever got lazy with the love they were willing to pour out. Pretty beautiful.

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This is O. She kind of beat me to blogging about this, but at this point she’s probably used to being copied by me (at least shoe-wise). She is sweet and sassy, my favorite combination. An urban girl, but also a frequent forest-dweller, and the unrivaled pro when it comes to busing around the city. We’ve been attached at the hip since September, and her hip is one which I very much enjoy being attached to. If you ever need someone to play retro Maroon 5 for you while getting ready in the morning, O is your girl. I love her.

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This is L. She is going to be a nurse, and I always tell her I trust her enough to give me an appendectomy. She gives nothing short of her best ever, even when she’s writing essays about vampire romance novels that she vehemently hates. There are very few people who are more enjoyable TV-watching partners – she yells at the overly picky couples on House Hunters, and curls up in a nervous ball whenever someone gets kidnapped on the Vampire Diaries. She’s studious, but man does she frolick up a storm when you stick her outside on a gorgeous day. I love her.

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This is E. We’ve practically been married since we started college two years ago. About a week ago, I told her, “ya know, not only has having you around greatly improved my life, but it has also greatly improved my eyebrows,” and it’s true – the girl has given me eyebrow envy. She enjoys old Disney Channel movies and being adventurous in all of her cooking endeavors. A Gryffindor through and through. Always ready to jump into impromptu dance parties or conversations in a variety of foreign accents. I love her.

It has been an incredible year with these ladies and – while I’m very sad it’s over and we are going our separate ways – I am so thankful for the walks and the talks and the nightly popcorn sessions. To quote a YA novelist whose books I’ve never read: “growing apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I’m glad for that.” Aaaand for the sake of sentimentality, I will throw it back to our first group selfie:

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Thank you guys for making my life beautiful.


Week one.

Rain is a somewhat disheartening way to start off the new year. So is a hefty pile of class readings. But by some miracle, I am a happy camper.

I’ve had bad years, I’ve had good years, I’ve had years I can hardly remember (aka middle school). 2013, I think, was an important year; I’m hesitant to say it was ‘pivotal’ since, you know, I only have ten days of perspective. Nonetheless, I spent a lot of my time thinking and listening and – this is the exciting one – speaking. I won’t start yanking everyone on-board my crazy train of thought over the past 12 months, that’s not what I want to write about today. But I am an increasingly sentimental person, so how could I let an entire year of smiling and crying and laughing and internally screaming at people slip by without at least writing a paragraph about it? That’s right. I can’t.

Anyway. About a week ago, I was not feeling the new-year-new-quarter excitement. In fact, I was being reduced to a puddle of tears – sitting on my floor, listening to “Antichrist” by the 1975, and experiencing a new and dangerously intense wave of sobbing every time the lyric “and I love the house that we live in / and I love you all too much” found its way out of my speakers (does this story make me more endearing? probably not). Quite often, I find myself dreading the inevitable pain with which life will one day smack me, and this, friends, was one of those dire times. “LOVE IS PAIN. TIME IS PAIN. PAAAAAIN.” (sidenote: sometimes I think I should get one of those choppy emo haircuts and write depressing poems on my hands in sharpie, like really.) Generally I’m a reasonably optimistic person, so this is not how I pictured day 4 of 2014.  You can’t really anticipate the bad days, but they happen. Conversely, though, you can’t predict the days that’ll be the happiest of your life. And eventually I realized this. And I got up, and I took a shower, and I ate craisins and watched Lost*.

And in the days since – despite the rain and the pages of reading piling up – I’ve done a lot of smiling. I’ve enjoyed some fantastic company. I’ve learned so much in my classes already. And I’ll be damned if I haven’t savored the moments when I can just curl up in my bed and stare out the window. Ahhhhh. Life.

In other news, I rearranged my room and it's basically heaven.

In other news, I rearranged my room and it’s basically heaven.



I was going to try to document my outfit everyday, but then I quit. Oops.

I was going to try to document my outfit everyday, but then I quit. Oops.

As you may have noticed, I gave my blog a little makeover. Not crazy about the size of the text, but I can deal. Makeovers are fun.

Here’s to the (ten-day-late) New Year!

*I am on season 6, and seriously (!!!!!) if anyone spoils this for me I will make your life miserable. Already had a spoiler scare when I watched This is 40 a few days ago, DO. NOT. WANT. AGAIN.