Inheritable traits & metaphors

IMG_2256

My sister and I, although adequately graceful in most areas of our lives, had the great misfortune of inheriting a particular trait from our father: our nose-blowing, individually but especially collectively, is a high decibel experience. On any given morning in our household, one can hear the demonstration of nasal power. And oh is it powerful. We always likened the noise to that of an elephant (whereas some people sneeze like mice – I do not trust these people). That is, until we were presented with an incredibly apt metaphor, much more accurate than our own:

“Cierra, you know what you sound like when you blow your nose? Like when you drag your suitcase across those metal things at the beginning and the end of escalators.”

Do you guys know what my 11-year-old cousin is talking about? Because she hit the nail right on the head. And instead of mourn my apparent lack of ladylikeness, I thought wow, METAPHORS! LANGUAGE! THIS STUFF IS AMAZING! An elementary schooler just brilliantly described a previously indescribable sound my nose has been making for my entire life.

And it’s just like that, whether it’s funny or gorgeous or melancholy as hell, words can not only envelop but become a feeling (or a noise, for that matter). I’ve found innumerable instances of this just in the past few days, in my second and much more successful attempt to read Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer, with whom I proudly share a birthday. I started reading this book in high school and I was wildly unprepared, low in energy and consequently low in the amount of effort I put forth – I didn’t understand a thing and I was disappointed. Four years later, I’m underlining something on every page because these words give me feelings. “He would fall asleep with his heart at the foot of his bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of him at all.” Excuse me, Jonathan, that is my heart you are breaking.

Not that I’m required to have one, but what is my point? Surprise, there are three.

  1. I think words are really cool and you should think so too.
  2. People say “the right person at the wrong time is the wrong person,” and I think I believe that. But the same cannot be said for books. I’m willing to lump music in there too. The right book or song at the wrong time could still be the right book or song at the right time. And, in all likelihood, the right time will come. Books have chapters and so does life.
  3. I’m not embarrassed about the way I blow my nose. I’m not embarrassed about the way I blow my nose. I’m not embarrassed about the way I blow my nose.

Also, I got blood drawn today and it took my perfectly competent nurse three painful tries to lure anything out of my itty-bitty, impossible-to-find veins. Even my bloodways are stubborn and somewhat elusive. Cheers to perfect consistency.

The Dreaded Flashback Episode

I know this is probably way more exciting for me than anyone else, but guys… I’ve now been settled in this cozy little corner of the interwebs for exactly a year. In other words, it’s my first anniversary. Or first birthday. You can choose.

As you can probably see, I have made a few changes in honor of this. My ‘about’ page no longer sarcastically likens me to the Boy Who Lived, but rather Chandler Bing (thought it was slightly more accurate); my background and color scheme have suddenly become a lot girlier; and, ladies and gentlemen, for your convenience I have made it much easier to subscribe to my scatterbrained postings by placing a nice little button over yonder. >

In true Cierra fashion, I am still deciding if I actually like these changes. So bear with me.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is not to whine about my lack of confidence in blog design. What I’m going to do here is something really cheesy, something long-running TV shows are known to do when the writers are too lazy to come up with new material. Fasten your seatbelts, this is about to be a FLASHBACK EPISODE.

Try to contain your excitement, please. (thank you, tumblr, for this gem)

Try to contain your excitement, please. (thank you, tumblr, for this gem)

You may remember I started this blog a year ago with my Goals for Summer, and I thought it might make sense to finally give an update, considering I never did. Um, I never taught myself how to talk like Bill Cosby. My impressions of him elicit only the weakest sympathy laughs. I also definitely did not read fifteen books, a failure I would attribute to the beautiful evil that is the internet. Aaaand ambidextrosity did not happen. What a surprise. But HEY, I wasn’t entirely unsuccessful. I did hang out with people like I said I would. #introvertprobs

God I hate myself for using hashtags. Oh well.

Over the past year, I have documented many important moments in my life, such as my victorious Defeat of the Crane Flies – I even typed out excerpts from my sixth grade diary, but I didn’t tell you I wrote all of my crushes’ names backwards in fear of being found out. Needless to say, not a very effective tactic. I shared all of my I’ve-been-at-college-for-a-week-so-naturally-I-know-everything wisdom with you, and I sincerely hope you have enough brain space left because I’m planning on hitting you with a (mildly) mind-blowing part II sometime in the next couple weeks. You’ve been warned.

Now I need to address something I find to be equal parts hilarious and ridiculous. Back in December, I briefly mentioned a fat lip. Chace Crawford’s fat lip, to be more precise. Gossip Girl had just ended and I was wallowing in sadness (my favorite character turned out to be an asshole) and self-disgust (I still can’t believe I love that show), so of course I had to blog about it. Oddly enough, the mystery of Mr. Crawford’s lip brought in unprecedented amounts of traffic to my blog. So I mentioned it againWhoa, explosion. I am not exaggerating when I say nearly 23,000 of my 30,000 site views have been on that exact post. I am also not exaggerating when I say the aforementioned post is the top result in most Google searches having to do with the poor guy’s “injury.” So in summary, in the span of one year, I have become the most-trusted authority on Carrie Underwood’s ex-boyfriend’s lips. You can hit me up if you want, Chace. I know your lips.

In all seriousness, though, I am so happy I started this last June. I love just sitting down in my cute little chair and racing my fingers over the keys, and it means so much to me that even one person would be willing to read about my mishaps and musings, let alone enjoy them. So really all I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you – whether you’ve been tagging along since the beginning, or this is the first post of mine you’ve ever read. Heaps upon heaps of gratitude. For real.

The Petty Complaints and Dull Anecdotes of 2006

My diary was a little more Napoleon Dynamite-y.

I have, unsurprisingly, always been quite consistent with keeping a diary (although I do prefer the term journal, since it just seems less… silly). I have three small books full of my life from about 2004 to the present. And occasionally, I blow the dust off of their jackets and crack them open for a little entertainment. But somehow I always forget how laughably mundane my entries were. Observe:

2.8.06 Today was good. I started my science project display in SOAR. I only bordered my things, though. I’m probably not going to start gluing for awhile. Because glue is relevant and exciting.

2.21.06 Yeah! I’m finally 12! I’m almost a teenager! I went to the Olive Garden with my family for dinner (I got to skip dance). Then, we went to my grandma and grandpa’s. I got a new American Girl! Her name is Jess. She’s so cute! Too bad I’ve got to get my teeth cleaned tomorrow. Good night! I have no idea how my brain connects things.

2.23.06 Today was okay. Well, happy b-day Dakota Fanning! I’m a big fan! You’re only two days younger than me! That’s all I have to say. If you have nothing to say, just don’t say anything.

3.9.06 The Science Fair was great today! I actually got to compete! On the lunch break, Taylor and I roamed the mall. It was so fun! We were independent and alone. I can’t wait until I’m old enough to go to the mall by myself! Little did I know going to the mall by yourself means paying for things… yourself.

3.19.06 I’m very sad right now. My little cousin broke my Disneyland lanyard! He was hanging on it! Luckily, my dad taped it back together. It looks the same, but I don’t think it will be as durable now. Whatever, I’m tired. I’m going to bed! Durability is always a concern of twelve-year-olds.

Later in 2006, things got more exciting (so exciting, I’m only using excerpts)…

9.5.06 If I ever get famous (which I doubt I will)… I promise myself that I won’t be self-centered or a money-hog, but I will give. I would never want to be known as a Hollywood Brat or Jerk. I’ll still shop @ Wal-Mart and Target and all that stuff. I changed my mind about the Walmart thing soon after.

9.20.06 Aaaaaahhh! My email isn’t working! I want to scream! I’m serious; I feel out of the circle. Oh, email. How cute.

10.11.06 Not much happened today, but we got a dog! She is soooo cute! Her name’s Bella. She’s a “whipapoo.” LOL. I got so many emails today! Update: this dog is the spawn of Satan.

10.18.06 OMG, I can like pop my ankle and it makes a noise! It’s really worrying my mom, but I’ve always been able to do it. Well, it’s almost Halloween! I’m really excited! Right now, I’m debating whether or not to be Elizabeth Swann at school or not. I don’t know. Again, with the brain connections. No clue.

Well, I hope some of you find these entries as amusing as I do. Just a little glimpse into what I was like at 12 years old. Sorry if the abundant exclamation points, OMG’s, and LOL’s have tarnished your image of me forever…