Mirror-Staring and Mascara Wands

This is the only way to wash your face.

This is the only way to wash your face.

I know none of you was expecting to receive unsolicited beauty advice from a savant such as moi this fine Friday, but I decided my routine was one destined to be chronicled on the internet. No need to thank me, I live for public service.

Our story starts at seven in the morning. I wake with a start, thanks to my alarm, and descend from my lofted bed. This takes a couple minutes because I don’t really want to start off my morning with a five-foot fall and cracked skull. I then eat a bowl of cereal, which doesn’t make me more beautiful, but does make me less hungry – a very important step which is followed by the most important step, Entering the Bathroom.

Once I have turned the lights on and shut the door, I shuffle up to the counter and take a good, long look at my face. I move closer to the mirror to see if I look better from that perspective… nope, not the case. Oh god, that is even worse. But I stay there. I take it in, I accept it, and I proceed to wash my face. With a washcloth. Because any other method is impractical and messy. If nothing else, this makes my face more irritated than it already was which, in turn, makes me irritated, so I turn on some One Direction to brighten my mood. Sadly, this has proven to be very effective.

And this is where it gets exciting: moisturizer. I use Clinique’s Dramatically Different, because that’s what the lady at the counter told me to do, and one of my number one rules is “always listen to ladies at counters.” Anyway, once my face is looking not-so-dramatically-different, I whip out my newly-purchased Neutrogena Skin-Clearing concealer, which is proof that magic is real. I apply this quite liberally and then smirk at my reflection because, let’s be honest, it’s kind of amusing at this point. But then I get down to business with my Nars Sheer Glow foundation, trying to pour a little bit on the back of my hand and usually getting way more than I want. Then I fret over how I’ll be wasting a little bit of that ridiculously expensive skin-colored liquid while blending some of  it onto my face with a brush, which is fun because it’s like painting.

By now, I am feeling much better, so putting on blush is easy for the most part. Sidenote: do keep in mind that between each step of this sacred routine, there is a solid minute of me staring at myself in the mirror to survey my progress. Okay, now it’s time to fill in my eyebrows and curl my eyelashes, which is stupid and dangerous but depressingly necessary. Sometimes I swipe on a little eyeliner, and every time I do this – without fail – I chastise myself for buying eyeliner with glitter in it. I dust some eyeshadow on my lids, keeping it very simple because I don’t trust myself with eye makeup symmetry, and rightly so. Oh, now we have come to my favorite part – mascara. Mascara is so fun! Except when you stab yourself in the eye with the wand, but that rarely happens. I’ll admit I have sort of an unhealthy obsession with my mascara (Tarte’s Lights, Camera, Lashes), but that’s a problem for another day.

Oops, I almost forgot I have hair on my head. It never does what I want anyway, so I usually just flip my hair the bird and suffocate it with a hat.

And there you are, dearest readers. My frustration-filled beauty routine. If you are interested in ACTUAL beauty advice, I’d recommend you go here, here, here, or here. They are some of my favorites.

Happy Friday!

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Bits and Bobs

That’s me.

As you’ve most likely noticed by now, I am a bit of a scatterbrain. I jump from topic to topic to topic, because- I’ll admit it, no shame- I am lacking in the focus department. Not severely, but enough so that I can’t listen to music when I’m blogging, which is actually sort of heartbreaking for me. But anyway. This post is going to be published evidence of my lack of focus. Hooray!

Bit #1

I was staying with my roommate for next year about a week ago, and she is quite the beauty guru. She was telling me about this lip tint made by Tarte and how utterly fantastic it is, and I was like, hey, I need that. And THEN I was at the hair salon flipping through Lucky, a magazine I am sadly no longer subscribed to, and guess what! Forty percent off of the exact lip tint she told me about. I ordered it yesterday on my new debit card (which makes me feel quite grown up), and I was pretty happy. So if you’re interested in a normally $24.00 lip tint for about $15.00, let me know! I’ve got the code.

Bit #2

I thought it would be appropriate to give credit to the blogs and vlogs that inspired me to create this page. They kind of show what sorts of things appeal to me, and in a way resemble my vision for my own blog. So here we go:

1. Writer’s Block (http://bymyink.wordpress.com/): A couple years ago, one of my facebook friends posted a link to Cappy’s blog and I’ve been loyally following it ever since. I’ve never actually talked to her, so maybe it’s a tad bit creepy that I’m fawning over her blog right now, but she is seriously so funny, insightful, and endearing. Her posts make me happy. And I hope they make you happy too!

2. The Vlogbrothers (http://www.youtube.com/user/vlogbrothers): These guys were my intro to the blog/vlogosphere. John Green’s books are some of the best I’ve ever read, and his and his brother’s vlogs to each other (and the nerdfighterdom) are always hilarious and, quite often, very informative. They make me feel smarter. Enjoy!

3. Zoe (http://www.youtube.com/user/zoella280390) and Louise (http://www.youtube.com/user/sprinkleofglitter): So these gals are technically beauty vloggers, but their more personal vlogs where they’re gallivanting around Britain together are so cute and funny. I love their personalities and the way they interact with their subscribers. They are seriously the cutest best friends ever.

4. Wannabe Hipster (http://shelbyhintze.blogspot.com/): I am proud to say I actually know the creator of this blog, the ever-lovely, clever, and hipster Shelby. She is a fantastic writer (and dress-er) and I will not deny that I blogstalk her quite frequently. Check her out!

So these marvelous people are just a few of my main influences. I really need to start reading more blogs, suggestions please!

Bit #3

For the past couple weeks, I have been trying to hang out with friends I haven’t seen in ages- you know, one of my summer goals is to keep in touch. It is so nice! It’s sad, but I had almost forgotten how much I truly enjoy them, which would be a travesty. I am so, so thankful for incredible friends who are completely content just sitting around and talking for a full four hours.

Bobs (or just songs I’m obsessed with)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdDBV6VX3fc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zR-AOZfLh7w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sENM2wA_FTg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7SSC3ex-bA

Happy Bastille Day!